10 of My Most Valuable Lessons on Being a Dad
(or How Dave Bass Grew Up and Left Childhood to His Children)
1. Love for God and His Kingdom is caught as much as taught; that is, they learn by your example. They will do as you do. A family's spiritual level rises no higher than the father's. Like it or not, you are the "platoon leader" of your squad. 2. The best way to love your kids is to love your wife most (next to the Lord, of course). Put her first, not them. She should get your best time, energy, and attention. Do not fight in front of the kids, either; it gives them ammunition to "divide and conquer" (see below) and feeds natural insecurities. 3. Do not be afraid to apologize and ask their forgiveness when you are wrong. This will buy a lot of emotional capital and credit for you with them. 4. Do not procrastinate with your kids. Do what you promise. If you say, "We'll go to the ball game next week, I promise," do it. In the short term, it is easier to change your plans with them than with adults, but the long term consequences are more damaging for your word and their perception of how much you value your time with them. 5. Plan family devotional time. It doesn't have to be long or complicated. Even 15 minutes is better than nothing. If you miss a day or two or three, don't sweat it. Just pick up where you left off. You and your kids will always remember your devotional time. 6. Plan a weekly family night where each person in the family takes turns getting to pick what you'll have for dinner and what you'll do for fun that night. Friday nights worked best for us, and everyone looks forward to it (don't worry about whose turn it is; the kids have perfect memories for these things). 7. Do not let your kids "divide and conquer" you and your wife when it comes to rules and discipline. Back each other up and plan, talk, and run various discipline scenarios before they come up so you know how you'll respond. I back up Deb even when I think she may be wrong. So much whining, crying, and pleading is avoided because they know there's no chinks in the solid wall you present. 8. Find an alternative to public school. Christian Schools, Charter Schools, Private Schools, Home Schools, Co-op Schools, and other alternatives in the works are vast improvements over the public school agenda. 9. While you owe your kids the "visibles" (a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, etc), it's the "invisibles" that will crown and enable their lives in the long run (character, skills, wisdom, knowledge, inner peace and self-confidence, etc). While they're infinitely harder to give, they're of infinite value in the light of time and eternity. 10. Pass on a family heritage. Give them things to remember and treasure. This includes physical objects like photos, toys, Bibles, furniture, books, etc. and intangibles like sayings, fun times, memories of your meeting, dating, and marriage, vacations, and extended family histories (good or bad). (First written to a new friend who had become a first-time father, seeking advice) © 2008 NGOPC - All Rights Reserved
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